The Van Goats are proud of me - they think I'm actually losing weight. I have to give a lot of credit to my new personal trainer. She is fierce and she totally busts my ass. She's.........my 6 year old daughter. I've been walking to her school some instead of driving to pick her up and then we play on the obstacle course thingy and she is really kicking my butt! This kid knows what she's doing - "Put your back into it!" she screams - as I heave my big gut up the incline for another crunch. (Don't really know where she got that.) I've been walking, loping, hanging from a bar trying to look like I'm doing chin-ups, doing crunches and pulling my super-sized self up and over all manner of playground equipment. Tell me I'm not gonna be ripped in a month or so! Damn straight! I've also been doing extensive work in and outside of the house and I'm feeling like a real person. I'm not really sure what got me fired up all of the sudden. I guess sometimes all it takes is the realization that you're slowly dying - we all are, just some of us are trying to hit the express lane - and you can either slow down the process and enjoy the ride, or do a "Thelma and Louise" off the great cliff of life. It's a matter of personal preference. I've been in the process of taking the "Thelma and Louise", and even though I know that it's not the option that I really want it's hard turn around when you're going full speed.

OMG! Some guy just walked in Panera wearing man-pris! WTF! He must've lost a bet. Like sitting here listening to some guy with shitty sinuses sniff like "Wilbur" the pig for the last half hour wasn't irritating enough. Damn. Can't a sister get some peace?

Anyway, as I was just saying, I don't want to do the "Thelma and Louise" and it's awfully hard to slam on the brakes when you've got your eye on the half gallon of ice cream a little way down the road. I'd like to meet the asshole that invented ice cream. I'd shove several pints of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey up his butt. Better still, I'd let Vincent or Vanessa Van Goat do it for me.