Monday, November 9, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Cleaning the house. Eeeep! No longer one of my favorite things since somewhere along the way, I lost of control of my house and now it controls me. Being controlled by a house is just not a good thing, let me tell you. It's very hard to regain control because once it's gone, you just want to bury your head in something that isn't too dusty and forget about it. I lie awake in bed in the early hours some mornings and angst about it. (Today was my day for lying in bed angsting about the goat house - tomorrow will probably be the day for angsting about house cleaning - I usually fall back asleep before I can fret about more than one thing. ) I am a baking soda/vinegar/essential oil kind of girl since I became unable to tolerate chemical/toxic waste smells. I absolutely cannot tolerate any of these perfumes that people bathe in before they go to work, or wherever it is that they're going. Candles, air fresheners, cleaners - it's all toxic. I know I am so far from being the only one terribly disturbed by this stuff that it's not even funny. I think laws should be passed against this kind of pollution - I really do. I read about one lady who couldn't even leave her house because she developed such a sensitivity.
And this is not getting my house clean. (sadly....though heaven knows if surfing the Internet could push the broom and move the dust rag, my house would be spotless!) It's time to get out the vinegar, baking soda and rosemary oil and swab the decks.
But first, I'm going to start some Struan. I'll let you know how it goes.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
How is this going to happen?
On top of all this, I've got all these thoughts rumbling around in my head.
Most days, I think about getting rid of my tv and my computer. I long for simpler times.
I want to be a farmer with lots of land, animals and vegetables.
I've got to build a goat house.
If I believe in God, which I do very much, then why does Buddhism seem so appealing sometimes?
Why do I sit in this chair so much when I feel so much better getting up and doing stuff?
And this one, a new thought: why is John Turturro, in the second Transformers movie, ripping of his pants to reveal some really scary.......underpants?
I've got to build a goat house.
Why are organic foods and products so expensive when organic is the way foods and products should be? It's like giving a child a reward for doing something he's supposed to do anyway.
Why are entertainers paid so much and teachers and cops paid so little?
Is trying to stop global warming really trying to go against God's plan?
Why is it so hard to not spend money?
I've got to build a goat house.
I've got no answers.
Maybe I need to ask Twister.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
This all sometimes leads me to wonder how those people who make a living overeating in those contests are gonna fare a few years down the road. I see other people overeating and I just want to tell them that there is nothing they could possibly eat that is worth someday feeling like I felt that morning. Overeating is such a bad problem to have. There are lot of people who think that overeating is just a sign that a person is weak or a pig. It's an addiction just like drugs, alcohol or cigarettes with consequences that can be just as severe as any other addiction. It requires major self-discipline like any other addiction. I hope someday soon, I'll be able to look back on this as a bad time in my life and I would like to look back from a healthy body in size 14 jeans. But for now, I'm just happy God is giving me the strength to put down the fork and push back from the table.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
OMG! Some guy just walked in Panera wearing man-pris! WTF! He must've lost a bet. Like sitting here listening to some guy with shitty sinuses sniff like "Wilbur" the pig for the last half hour wasn't irritating enough. Damn. Can't a sister get some peace?
Anyway, as I was just saying, I don't want to do the "Thelma and Louise" and it's awfully hard to slam on the brakes when you've got your eye on the half gallon of ice cream a little way down the road. I'd like to meet the asshole that invented ice cream. I'd shove several pints of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey up his butt. Better still, I'd let Vincent or Vanessa Van Goat do it for me.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
So - not only did I not find a job, but I found more evidence that people with the approximate intelligence of gnats are running the state. I particularly loved the part where some guy said that all the employees at this hospital have been apprised of all the changes and they realize that these changes are good for the hospital. The latest euphemism for " the employees realize that the hospital is taking it up the tailpipe and they can't say anything about it or they will be one of the forty employees to get sent to the heezy."
See, this is just another reason that everyone would benefit from observing the habits of goats. A goat would so not allow that to happen. Goats have a quick way of dealing those who breach the ethics of their society. How would those government people feel if they were in their conference room sipping their Starbucks, saying " Well, this hospital is necessary to the county, nay the state, but we're going to have to make cuts elsewhere(wink, wink) if we don't lop a million or so of their budget " then KABAAAAMMMM! They're t-boned right into the next millenium by 120 pounds of horn and muscle. I think this kind of office protocol just might straighten up the whole state - hell - it could straighten up the whole country. Or maybe the hospital could just start buying lottery tickets. The employees that are still there could just start chipping in a dollar or so out of each paycheck.
p.s. Read it for yourself.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Then there are your endless varieties of video games. I usually get fixated on one game at a time, playing every opportunity I get - sitting in the car line at school, waiting in a doctor's office, maybe even first thing in the morning when I'm taking the first sips of that nectar of the gods - coffee. I have buried myself in Daredevil, Legend of Zelda - The Minish Cap (which I might add reigns supreme in gaming!), Chronicles of Narnia - The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Wererabbit (That game is frickin awesome!) and of course, anything having to do with Raving Rabbids.
I would of course, be remiss if I didn't list Law & Order as one of the top vehicles for leaving this universe. Law & Order: SVU is the be all/end all to television as far as I'm concerned, although Nurse Jackie and Weeds are not without merit. I am so badly addicted to SVU that after I had my hip surgery, I watched so much I started freaking out and having weird dreams. (Okay, that might have been the narcotics but let me tell you, I watched a LOT.)
The piece de resistance in escapism - books. Oh yeah, my friends the books. Can. Not. Get. Enough. Of. Them. I even escape in separate genres. Sometimes I'll read chick lit for a couple of weeks. Other times it'll be forensic thrillers (some of them scare the hell out of me, but I can't quit'em.) Lisa Gardner has no equal in the thriller department, but that's a whole 'nother story. By the way, I recently read something that someone wrote about their pet peeve being people who use words that aren't really words or they spell words incorrectly like irregardless and nother. Screw you - sometimes, nother is the only word that works.
So as I was saying, Lisa Gardner - she is the queen! The Perfect Husband. I was scared to go to the bathroom by myself after I read that book! I've read it at least five times. In fact, it's almost time for me to read it again.
Now - having said all this..........I can always grab a brewski, plop down in a chair on the deck and hang with the Van Goats.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Summer's almost over but it's not too late to help a child enjoy a vacation for which he or she might otherwise not have the opportunity. If you click on the picture you could find out how to make a new friend . You could give someone a life-changing experience - and it might just be you!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
I have to wonder.....is it time to just call it a day on the blog? I feel like I have nothing to say anymore. I go to work, take care of my family and and do all your other average stuff. Nothing remarkable. The Van Goats are always amazing, but probably only to me. So......I feel as though I have reach an impasse. Is that the right word? Whatever.
Okay, well here's something. I'm 45 years old - 46 in a couple of months. In the last few months, I've gotten into mental health discussions with people (you know the kind where women talk about what drugs they're on to improve the sanity/insanity ratio. ) Two different people in two different discussions told me " Oh yeah....you are totally ADD! Can spot that from a mile away!" Well HELLO! Was anybody gonna tell me before they were throwing clumps of dirt of top of me? Damn! Help a sister here! I got to thinking about this and reached the conclusion that maybe there's something to that. It would explain a lot of things about me and heaven knows some thing's got to! One of these people actually said, " I cannot believe you didn't know this!" What! Am I a psychiatrist now? I'm wondering if there is actually a way to salvage the remainder of my years...however many there are. I mean, this could be pretty big! When the Van Goats came along, they changed my life. They love me unconditionally - as long as they're fed on time - and they expect very little in return. They're entertaining, affectionate and they're pretty good workers too - they totally keep the backyard in shape and fertilized. They don't treat me like I'm the stupidest being on the face of the earth, they don't insist on telling me their every thought, and they're not always saying " Well you're mean, I want to spend the night with Daddy!" (Bout over that.) Still, it's hard to completely base your feeling of self worth on positive reinforcement from goats. Reaching the age of 45 and looking back and only seeing a lifetime of not following through and not finishing - a lifetime.....it's not really a good feeling. Always having the best of intentions.....well you know where those intentions get you. And you don't even have to wait til you die to get there.
Anyway, I'm thinking that maybe even now, I could feel better and it would probably be great. And if nothing comes of this theory, well at least the Van Goats don't charge for therapy.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
I haven't talked as much as I could've about my quest to live green and local or you might otherwise have an idea as to how I got from point a to point b in this discussion, but suffice it to say that I have wanted for some time to read Animal,Vegetable Miracle by none other than - yes , you guessed it - Barbara Kingsolver. So I have finally started this book and I've been reading it for a couple of days now and I came across their recipe for Eggs in a Nest. Yes, that's what I said. So I fixed Eggs in a Nest for dinner and continued to read the book while I ate it. Talk about a zen dinner. I really can't remember when I've enjoyed a dinner more. I've been feeling worried about being overweight and being seriously addicted to food, feeling worried putting it mildly, and this dinner was a small step toward the higher road.
This book is about the author and her family and their quest toward being total locavores for an entire year. Doesn't sound like much does it? It didn't sound like much to me until I got to the chapter where she sat down with the family to make the grocery list. From that moment on I was hooked and although I tend to seriously doubt I could make good on that commitment, I could certainly try. I feel inspired to try, and I haven't been feeling inspired by much of anything here lately, so for that I thank her - she's my hero.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
I don't know if cheering is her gig or not, but I know she had a great time and she also learned that she can hang in there for four days jumping,yelling, cheering and wearing ribbon with the best of them.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
There are so many ways to reduce your carbon footprint, and sadly some of those ways are not within my reach right now. I can't afford a hybrid automobile or "green" paint (someday, though!) and biking or walking to work and other places is not an option because we live too far out, although I am trying to get my hip back in shape so that I can walk to the store and walk Rachel to school. My garden is still quite small by most standards, but I dream of the day when I can grow all our food - well all the food that can actually be grown, anyway. This is a journey unfinished and I have many miles to go , but this is one of the most beautiful, scenic journeys on which I've ever embarked. And I'm luckier than most because since we've expanded the fenced- in area to a portion of the front yard, the Van Goats can keep me company while I garden. They are great with fertilizer.
Friday, May 15, 2009
May 9, 2008
The Getty Museum has announced plans to clear the flammable brush on its Brentwood grounds the old-fashioned way—with a small flock of goats. According to the press release:
The goats are supervised by goatherd Hugh Bunten and his dog Steve, who live in a tent on the Getty grounds while the goats work. Hugh is there to keep the goats “focused,” says his wife Sarah, and also to protect against coyotes (which they see a lot) and mountain lions (which they’ve never seen, but you never know).
The eco-friendly fire-prevention initiative coincides with the museum’s exhibition “Oudry’s Painted Menagerie,” a survey of life-size animal portraits by the French painter Jean-Baptiste Oudry (1686. . .1755). While there are no images of goats or coyotes, the show does include one ten-foot-tall canvas of a lion.—Andrea K. Scott
Posted by Andrea K. Scott
Okay - now let's take a look at this: I started out talking about how I hadn't posted in over a week and ended with Shakespeare Man. This may be why I get strange looks from the Van Goats sometimes.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
If I had known then what I know now, I would still be a lifeguard. WTF - you're still saving lives , right?
Friday, May 1, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Anyway, I digress...........the jackholes that live behind me are still pushing their vendetta against my goats. They're still trying to make me get rid of my babies. I got an "official " letter in the mail that could have been written by my six year old, it was so unprofessional. In fact, I fear that I have insulted my six year old and her writing skills by saying such a thing as she is way better than that. They told me that I have violated the zoning regulations by raising a goat herd. Well, I've been through all this before thanks to the pustulating sore on satan's ass that is my neighbor. They have called everyone that they can think of and so far, I have been deemed to be sitting on the right side of the law. I am not running a commercial farm. Now they are trying to say that I have too many goats for this piece of land, even though there is nothing in the zoning regulations that addresses that. Still, I am NOT breeding goats to sell. This is STILL NOT a commercial farm. And those jackholes do not get to make up the rules as they go along. They are threatening to bring this to the attention of the County Attorney. Woooooooo! I am so scared that I have been continually been leaking fecal matter since I got their letter. Well, guess what bitches! I'm going to bring it to his attention first. I do realize that no one in this neighborhood with the exception of 3 or 4 of my neighbors, no one in this county, in this city , in this state, country or internet, would be on my side. I mean, I realize that there aren't too many people in the world who have goats for back yard pets. People just don't care about goats. I didn't until I got them. (for "got" read - "inherited" them.)When properly cared for, goats don't stink. They don't make a lot of noise except at dinner time. Which isn't, let me tell ya, at two in the fucking morning, unlike what many of the damn dogs in this neighborhood seem to think. The goats don't start up their trucks, boats, campers, lawn mowers and blow out noxious fumes all over the place - unlike some inconfuckingsiderate people in this neighborhood. They don't start fires in the backyard and choke everyone within a ten mile radius. They fertilize the hell out of my lawn and make great compost, which if some of these dumb bastards realized, they would be bringing goats in by the truckloads. (Bunch of grass worshipping douchebags. ) My goats are great companions and entertainers, which again, if people knew this, they would be saving a lot of money. But hey - what the fuck do I know? I'm just a stupid redneck with nine happy goats in her backyard minding her own damn business. I hate assholes.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Check out Dooce - capable of verbally flattening Jabba the Hut with a single sentence if she so desires. She is as sharp as Twister's horns. I don't really recommend trying to find out how sharp that is. You can be reading one of her posts and then all of the sudden, she just fucking t-bones you with some remark about Mormons or something. Heather - I think you've elevated yourself to "Shit Ass Ho Fuckingbadass." (Of course, it's not like I think you read this. Laughing, just thinking about that. P.S. Shit Ass Ho Fuckingbadass is actually the title she gave to her husband - he's a S.A.H.F. )
Not Afraid to Use it. She cracks me up, she is so damn funny - what is she not afraid to use? Total snark? Baaaaaad words? I personally love her reference to other moms she meets. (Finally - a kindred spirit in the mom department. ) I always feel like I'm Judy Miller when I'm around other moms. (Watch Still Standing on Lifetime channel to get this one.)
Now we come to the gist of this post. It must be said that I have tried to curb my affection for using profanity as I've been assured that nothing says, nee' screams, "I'm loser, white trash" like jestingly calling your friend/co-worker/partner-in-crime 'Beeeyotch'" by a surgeon with whom I frequently work. (Uh - beyotch - that's not even a bad word, is it?) No, I didn't childishly ask him who appointed him chief of the profanity police. Okay! I was tempted - Whatever!! I'm of two minds on that whole thing .(Like I even have one mind.) He asked me if I wanted people to see me as being "that" kind of person. (Huh?) Was I aware of what kind of impression that made on people? (Hopefully the one that says "Don't fuck with me.") Just how serious is this? Do I really care what "these" people think of my vocabulary? You know, maybe he's right. Maybe I shouldn't sort of take pride in the fact that I have certain "Dooce/FUP/NATUI characteristics. Maybe I'm not being an adult. YEAH - RIGHT!!!! Many people/phenomena slide into their day, their blog, your feeds, by getting their snark on. To be honest, where I work , snark makes the day go by more quickly AND enjoyably. I don't think that it means that you look in the dictionary under snark or white trash and it has pictures of me and my co-workers or any of the other people utilizing the humorous qualities afforded by wielding a little (or a lot) of snark. There are entire blogs based on it - take away snark and there's nothing left but a bunch of a's, and's and the's. Do I want my mom to look on my blog and see the word "fuck" looming out at her? Should she really know that I think that a lot of moronic posers on Twitter apparently think their shit doesn't stink but that's okay because a lot people really are on there to establish a pleasant internet countenance? Not really, but I don't think she'd fall apart.(She didn't fall apart when I bumped my head on the sharp corner of a shelf in that shoe store a few years ago.) She would abstain from reading the blog which is what people who are offended by snark and it's bad little word friends should do. I don't think that someone's seriousness about their purpose is necessarily reflected in their vocabulary. Sometimes I scream " Well fuck ME!" and I'm totally serious.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
You could give a child from New York City a vacation instead of going out of town. Sort of like "taking a trip and never leaving the farm". It's a thought.
(Thanks to Jim Stafford for one of my all time favorite song lyrics from "The Wildwood Weed".)
Monday, April 20, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
All in all, it was totally worth the hour long drive, especially since I got to
cruise back through one of the towns I lived in when I was a kid. Needless to say, that part was a lot more fun for me than it was for my 18 year old. The verdict - I would definitely go back - to eat AND to pick up my groceries. The Van Goats would totally love it.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
This is Vincent Van Goat saying......
Originally uploaded by lr4rr
Oh yeah, I'm a stud... and I'm fixin to tap THAT!
In YOUR dreams....you big pig!
Not so secretly, they're really hot for each other.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Have you seen these goats?
Gus Van Goat
Twister Van Goat
These two goats are wanted in connection with a crime committed in the southeastern Tennessee area. It seems a mother and her two children had observed unexplained, repeated flooding in their backyard. On various occasions, the mother or one of the children would go in their backyard or look out the window only to see water standing in the backyard and the garden hose running with no one having turned on the water. This continued on for several months until finally one day the son observed one Twister Van Goat turning the water faucet on with her nose while her son Gus stood watch. Unfortunately, there were no security cameras on the property , but the two goats were clearly caught in the act. Twister and Gus immediately fled the premises and their whereabouts are not known at this time. It is a known fact that they are both armed, but usually not dangerous. Of course, when backed into a corner, all bets are off.
P.S. This is a totally true story, however Twister and Gus are not on the lam - they are residing happily in their yard where they receive two square meals a day (hay in the morning and feed in the evening) and all the water they can drink.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
So here I am with my black and blue - not bionic- butt, doing my exercises, wearing my anti -blood clot stockings, taking my anti -blood clot medication and scaring the begeezus out of the cat by tearing around with my super bad-ass deluxe racing walker. Actually, my sister's cat since I'm staying with her until I am rehabbed enough to be able to get up the steps into my house.
Of course, there's always a silver lining in every cloud. I don't have cable in my house, but my sister does. I've getting to watch all the Law & Order I can possibly handle as well as all the old sitcoms I haven't seen in years. I've also discovered a whole new world of tv shows out there as well. I'm ashamed to admit that I've been watching Real Wives of New York and Millionaire Matchmaker. (That last one was because I lost the remote and didn't feel like getting up to change the channel.) It's just amazing what they are putting on tv now. This does, however, inspire me to have my own tv show - can you imagine? The boundaries are endless. Real Goats of Dallas Bay. People are going to love it!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Ok.....well I'm not really on the edge now, but it has been that kind of day. You know your world really ain't right when you decide the best picture for your profile on Facebook is the one that doesn't show the zit on your chin. Forget how the rest of the picture looks. So until a better zit-free picture comes along, this is the one.
Tomorrow is a big day. I'll be leaving for the hospital at the butt-crack of dawn for surgery. I'm getting a bionic butt. Well - half a bionic butt. Well, really it's just a total hip replacement, but it might be all metal so that counts doesn't it? I'm excited!! After almost a year of protecting the recliner from unwanted intruders - and I DO take my job seriously - this time tomorrow I'll walking around on a brand new half -ass. (I don't think there are any implications there - my doctor is the best!) The VanGoats are excited of course as they have really missed my presence out in the yard. I do visit them , but the visits are short and not many. I miss them so much. Talking to them out the window just isn't the same. I think they miss me too.