The Pressure of a Post

ARRRGGGGHHHH! I haven't posted in over a week! OMG! My loyal readers are waiting with bated breath. My sponsors are gonna dump me! Wait a minute.........I don't have any sponsors! Ha ha ha! Sometimes I fuckin crack myself up. This blogging thing is great and because nobody reads this it's even better. I could just sit here and type "watermelon, watermelon, watermelon....." That takes me right back to high school when I was in chorus and hated it so I just stood there and sang "watermelon, watermelon, watermelon..." Nobody knew but my my cohort standing next to me and she was continually amused by the apathy on which I sailed through my high school years. She had study hall in my Algebra II class and she almost dropped her teeth (and they weren't dentures) when she looked down the row of desks and saw me snoozing through a test. My teacher sucked, I hated math, and I totally just couldn't get it so what was the point of stressing myself out. Seemed like it was as good a time for a nap as any. I secretly wanted to be brilliant at math, but I gave up somewhere around the 9th grade. Mysteriously, I got a B in geometry (no sexual favors were involved - the teacher was a woman anyway.) but other than that aberration, my career in math was spectacularly sucky. I slaved over a pencil and calculator in college for a B in elementary not-quite-algebra class. (Again - no sex acts were necessary.) It's totally amazing how I have completely left my subject behind for something completely unrelated. And it doesn't matter!!! No one's reading this shit anyway. My ability to segue in to an unrelated topic reminds me of this girl, Tammy, who used to do the horoscope on FM98.1 in the mornings. She would start out doing the horoscope and then she completely leave the horoscope behind to talk about herself - she was frickin hilarious! There's nothing like that on the air anymore. Another indication that radio just isn't what it used to be. Now there's just stupid shit where people try to annihilate each other on air. Long gone are the days of Tammy and Shakespeare Man. Shakespeare Man - totally brill. He could take any song and turn it into Shakespeare speak.Imagine recitations of "Here Comes the Hot Stepper" and "When I Come Around". I loved driving to work in the morning then.
Okay - now let's take a look at this: I started out talking about how I hadn't posted in over a week and ended with Shakespeare Man. This may be why I get strange looks from the Van Goats sometimes.