Thank you

WhyMommy and League of Maternal Justice for keeping us, ahem......... abreast of the news, so to speak. In view of recent developments surrounding Facebook's ban on breastfeeding pictures, we here at the Van Goat Ranch taking a very strong stance against oppressors of maternal practices such as but not limited to breastfeeding, felt that a special post was in order. So here by special request ( he is the best writer) is Gus Van Goat with his feelings on the subject.
Thank you Gus!

Gussy says - "Hey Facebook - You Suck!"

Umf, yumf, moof, miff, yum....uh excuse me. Sorry, I was just having some lunch here. And, yumf, moof, um,um, okay I'm stopping now....I just wanted to say that I can't believe that anyone could find fault with a little baby like me finding nourishment at his mama's breast. I mean, come on! What could be more natural? And what could be less natural than a networking-blogging wanna-be establishment that would rather promote boobs without babies attached to them - that's just wrong! So I say to Facebook, " All of us Van Goats are canceling our accounts (as soon as I ask Mama what an account is!) and you can just suckit!" yum , yumf, moof, miff, umf, yumf...............

Guest Post by Augustus G. Van Goat

Ponderings from the Back Porch....a nice mushy little observation

Sometimes I just like to sit on the deck and watch the goats nap, play or gnaw the bark off the trees - whatever they're into at the moment. I sit there with this commentary running in my mind and I think that I could sit there literally for hours (especially if I had a cooler of beer) and never get tired of watching them. Their lives are so simple - eat, sleep, play - and yet they are so complex if you sit and watch their expressions and their mannerisms. Yes- they do have mannerisms, it's true. Also, each one of them has a personality- a countenance, if you will, that is completely, uniquely them. Twister, for example, is somewhat aloof. She is the queen of the herd and God help anyone who doubts it for a moment. She will make a believer out of that person or goat - whatever the case may be. Vanessa is my little angel - you already know this if you've ever read this blog before. She has such a big heart that looking at her just makes me feel joy. She is a funny one though. While Twister will let you get right up in her face - she'll even let you touch noses with her - Vanessa will not let you anywhere near her face. She doesn't want kisses from anybody but Wallace - he's her current boyfriend. They stand and nuzzle each other and play together, but they don't let their relationship get in the way of a good meal - all's fair in love, war and sweet feed. Wallace and Gromit are fun to watch because they always have this quizzical expression on their faces - "is this where the food is?" They play together most of the time, eat together and usually sleep side by side. Vanessa and Wallace don't sleep together yet - they're not married. Trixie and Gus are still somewhat babyish in behavior but they have grown so much it's incredible. They are so cute the way they bounce around, jump up on the deck furniture and then swan dive back onto the ground again. And Pixie...sweet sweet Pixie. She has turned out to be such a little doll. You just look out the back door around seven-thirty and you'll see her standing there waiting for the evening milking. She's so good just walks onto the stand and you don't even have to secure her in the head holder. She also likes hugs and rubbies and she is developing quite a little personality - ladylike, but she ain't takin any shit either. Then of course, there's Captain Ass also known as Vincent Van Goat. He's still the man; rules the roost while showing few signs of mellowing at his advanced age of 18 months. My kids comment on how mean he is to his kids. Hey - what can I say? He isn't always nice ( although he always wants me to love on him and scratch his chest. )His kids respect him as The Authority. That kind of makes you think about where humans have taken parenting, doesn't it?
Speaking of goats getting married......all the girls are in heat except for Trixie. You want to see some action - if this backyard's a rockin, don't come knockin! They have been off the chain running around chasing each other. The boys are trying to mount the girls, the girls are trying to mount the boys, the boys are trying to mount the boys and the girls are trying to mount the girls. It's like the collector's edition of "Goats Gone Wild" about 4 times a day. No wonder they all go bed early - they're worn out.

Here I am again.......

You may or may not have noticed that I haven't been posting; this is because I don't have internet access right now. Cable..dial-up......cable.......dial-up.....I'm not really happy about any of it. And furthermore......I just don't want to pay for it anymore, but how are you going to blog without internet access? Of course, that's as good a reason as any to go somewhere and drink expensive coffee beverages. Another factor in the equation - if I can't get on the internet, then neither can my son. This is good and bad- good because it keeps him out of things he doesn't need and bad because he needs it for school. You know, they say you can't win'em all and frankly I'm not okay with that - I want to win'em all. I mean why the hell are we here? God, I'm starting to bore myself.

Okay, so this past week was verrah busy. Work was nuts, Rachel went back and forth between my house and her dad's and Alex was, as always, driving me crazy! Who invented teenagers anyway? Who told them they had to act that way? If no one had ever said, "Well that's how it is - he/she is a teenager" and if they had even gone a step further and beat teenageritis out of said teenager, then a lot of us wouldn't be enduring the trauma of teens vs parents. See, what I'm saying here is that someone set our asses up, yo! If I had been the first parent of a teenager, I would have said" WTF!!???!!!??!! Listen up, ass clown - this teen thing can be hard or it can be easy. You choose." End of discussion. (Was that a little harsh?)

Yeah, I have a healthy fantasy life.......how could you tell? One of my current fantasies is the one where I live in this big house in the country - this is a house I know and I've visited. (Well, visited the people who live there.) Arrgghhh, anyway- I have a big party at my house for the people at work and a good time is had by all- even by the powers that be - and it's like" OOhhhh, what a cool house, what a slammin party!!!! She has Guinness on tap. Damn!" Now that's what I'm talkin about! And you know after such a hellatight party, everyone would be saying" Do you think we could get her to have the Christmas party? I mean the girl can cook and the fireplace in her living room! Blimey - you can walk into that fireplace. Glass on one whole side of the house - you can see her goats frolicking in the pasture. I love her house!"

See, now that's a good fantasy because it sounds like it could actually happen - not like one of those "makin it on a beach in Tahiti with Brad Pitt" fantasies - I mean HELLO! Like that would happen. Actually, I don't even like Brad Pitt - he looks sort of greasy. I mean, what the hell did Jennifer Anniston ever see in him? Was it a " He really makes me look good!" kind of thing or what? Now with Angelina, it could either way - who's making who look good? Not that I wouldn't like to be thin like her - I would - but she's just kind of scary, you know what with all the stuff she's mentioned about her past. Well, you know - I'm not going there, okay. Frankly, I've always been a Tom Hanks kind of girl - at least until he did that weird freaky thing with his hair for "The DaVinci Code." I couldn't even go see that movie because of that hair. Yikes. Tom babe - what were you thinkin?

I don't know what your Starbucks is like, but mine is rather....uh...strange. Here's something I've noticed. Everyone is on their computer or their cell...or both. No one is here to socialize, really. (Okay - I'm not either, but that's beside the point.) There are a lot of snotty little girls with their cell phones. They're all talking or texting. Then there are the yuppies who are here to work on whatever. Like the dude sitting next to me. Briefcase, cellphone and a book on triathloning. There's the professor over by the window grading papers. (I'd like to have that job.) I'm just wondering...am I the only person (redneck) here for the internet because their goats took out the phone line - again?

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Originally uploaded by lr4rr

Starbucks Buddies

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Originally uploaded by lr4rr

Okay........ yeah ........ I caved. We went to Starbucks so I could get on the internet, but it was totally worth it!(In an earlier post, I totally trashed Starbucks because they don't have free Wi Fi.) The getting on the internet part was a pain in my arse, but the coffee and snacks were good, and lo and behold - Rachel made a new friend. This little girl showed up with her brother and his six friends - they were doing Pokemon cards or something like that, and she apparently didn't quite know what to do with herself. She and Rachel kept checking each other out, but not engaging in any play until finally, Rachel got under our table and was sulking about something and the other little girl got down on the floor right beside the table and it was on! They got on like a house on fire, having to be scolded for racing around Starbucks and screeching to a sudden halt when they reached the end of the room and giggling loudly the way little girls having fun do. The above picture is proof that I talked them into sitting in the chair and coloring for a while. Cute.

Oh, and by the way..........I am pleased to announce that Starbucks somewhat redeemed themselves by giving us a free venti Rasberry Chocolate Frappucino. Ha Cha Cha!

Yum, mmm, yum, yum chomp.......

This hoof is great! Yum, yum yum! Nothing like chowing down on your own foot for an afternoon snack!

It's been a while since I rambled incessantly so I figured I'd better get crackin. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder - it just makes you absent. It's been a really busy week - as in "I'm starting to hear the people talking in my eyebrows again" busy. Work has been off the chain - I think there were 5 million people with broken bones this week and they all showed up at the hospital where I work. I love my job, but sometimes it is sad beyond my ability to explain. I took care of a soldier and his surgery was one such occasion, compounded by several factors not the least of which was the fact that he had been driving after consuming alcohol. In my neck of the woods it's considered tantamount to murder to drink and drive because we see so many deaths caused by drinking and driving. This particular instance was a little bit different as the man involved was home after serving in Iraq and was suffering terribly - at least terribly enough that he wanted to end it all, so he drove his car into some into something that was tougher than his car. I admit that sometimes I "perceive" things that others don't, but I looked at this guy's face and I just couldn't see a "murderer". What I saw was someone who had looked death in the face on a daily basis; someone who had seen so many terrible things that there was absolutely no way that he could reconcile the loss of so much and so many with his continued existence in this world. What can a person do? Is there enough help these men and women when they come back home from trying to kick Satan's ass for a year or more? Is there anything we can do? I think probably one thing we can not do is condemn people out of hand without even looking past the first impression. I was so disgusted with the anesthetist on the case, because even though he is someone I usually like and respect, he didn't even look past the first tier of the situation - he just went straight to, "He was drinking and driving - he deserves what he got." The hell you say.

I talked with his precious wife and my heart just went out to her - they have been through so much since he's been home. I could hear that she loves him, and I could hear the fear and confusion in her voice. Where do they go after this? She sounded as though she is made of the kind of stuff that will see them both through..... I hope. Ironically enough, when it was time for me to go home from work, I was relieved out of the case by one of my very dearest friends and coworkers, who also is a soldier and also served over "there". I told her that it must have been Divine Intervention that she was my relief that day because I thought of her that morning as I started the case and I wished for her even though I knew it was a case that would be hard for her to do, but I knew she would understand how I felt about this patient. And she did.

Well, I Never....

I just erased a whole post. Alex and I have been watching We Were Soldiers; a little history for school. I cried my eyes out......and then suddenly everything I'd been saying seemed totally irrevelant.

Feeling Ashamed Now

I wouldn't say that today has been an unusual day because it takes alot to qualify as unusual in my life, but it has definitely been different. To start with, I overslept and didn't make it to church (okay - not so different since I've worked weekends for the last 2.5 years) and I did really want to go, so then I got up, made some coffee and got on the internet (okay...again, not so different! Crap - should I just give up on the whole different motif?) Anyhoo, I surfed my way over to a website called Refuge for a Single Mom, which is very inspirational, and from there I landed on another blog called Especially Heather, both of which are worthy of blog awards.(Okay, this is where it starts getting different.) So....... on Single Mom's blog, there is a button showing a picture of an adorable little girl and the button has writing on it that says "Praying for Emma Grace". Naturally, I was curious as to what we were praying for, so I clicked and that is when I landed on Especially Heather. Now I'm a nurse and I work in surgery in a Level I trauma center , so you know I see some scary and sad stuff, but crikey - this girl has been through it! I was crying before I finished reading about her. I am so filled with admiration and respect for her, and equally filled with shame for myself. I've been whining over every little ailment that works it's way through my body and this girl has not an ounce, not even a skosh of an ounce (I'm not really sure what a skosh is, but I know it's really small.) of self pity. If I were one of those house elves in Harry Potter, I'd be throwing myself in front of a bus right now while tearing my fingernails off! Oy.

You really have to read about Heather and Emma because I can't do them justice, but I can tell you that if you do read about them, you won't be sorry - it might even change your life.

The truth comes out...........

I love Starbucks coffee - in fact, I'm addicted- but I am not going to sit there and pay T-Mobile for the privilege of accessing the internet. So here I sit at Panera on my cheap ass, drinking their house latte (which I might add, is not too shabby.) and pecking away on this stupid bitch of a laptop. (Me and **** are gonna have words - as in I'm going to throw down on their asses for sending me a laptop that has to have the power cord and the motherboard replaced every two months. WTF? Sorry.......I don't know WHERE that came from . Why am I even bothering to leave the comfort of my own home to use the internet, you might ask. Or you might not. You probably don't even give damn why I left my house or where I use the internet. Do I sound like I just went through a wind tunnel on a Vespa? I am blathering on like Lindsay Lohan at a Blackberry Convention. I'm going to go home and milk the goat.

BUT - just one more thing before I go. WhyMommy and Plain Jane Mom - I'm thinking of you today.

Jealousy rears it's ugly head

You know..........I have to admire somebody who is still driving a Toyota Previa - I know that sounds like I'm being an ass (That almost NEVER happens!), but I'm actually not. Every once in a great while you see someone driving down the road in some beat-to-shit Previa - it has to be beat to shit, because those suckers were made, like twenty years ago. Anyway, if you think about it, that person probably has their shit together because A), you know they so do NOT have a car payment, and B) someone who is driving around in a Previa is seeing the big picture, as in they are saying to themselves," Who gives a rat's ass what I drive? It gets me from point a to point b, and I have more important things on my mind like " did I remember to send my mailer of toothbrushes and razors back to Recycline?" I am not poking fun - I am jealous, dammit!!!!

Have you seen this face?

Yes you have, a little while back when I was talking about my little angel, Vanessa. She is just SO sweet. And yes , you know I absolutely adore my children, but there's something about my goats, this little girl in particular. It's really hard to explain how special goats are - mine in particular ( of course). Goats really have personalities - they speak without ever uttering a word. I'll give you an example.

Last night, I was having a real shit night - there's no other way to put it. I'm not going to bore you with the details, but the evening sucked and blowed. So, I got home from the Labor Day celebraton at my sister's house, Rachel had gone to spend the night at her dad's and Alex was taking a shower (I'm always grateful for that.), and I was really in the depths of misery so I went out on the deck, sat down and promptly started caterwauling. I looked over and saw all the goats in their usual bedtime configuration under the big tree by the fence and as soon as my little Vanessa saw me sit down, she got up and came up on the deck to stand beside me. She wanted some "rubby love" - she likes to have the area I call the chest (it is right below her neck.) rubbed and scratched and she will stand there and let you do it until you stop or someone shows up with food. So the rubby love commenced and I talked to her and shared my woes with her. I ended up sitting on the steps so I could be closer to her and I hugged her and rested my head on her and she just kept getting closer and I could tell she was hugging me back. I told her that she was the sweetest little goat in the world and that I loved her and as she leaned more and more against me (that's a goat hug - you know, they can't just wrap their arms around you.) I heard her saying that she loved me too. And we sat like that, talking and hugging, until Vincent Van Goat decided he needed rubby love too and being a male, he decided it had to be all about him. Typical.

Can we please have a moment of silence?

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OMG! I am completely............well I just can't even explain it! There are no words!

I HAVE FINISHED HARRY POTTER!
Frankly, now I don't know whether to shit or wind my watch. Oh....I don't have a watch, so that leaves an option I really don't want to discuss here. Enough stalling - I am so distraught because I LOVE THOSE BOOKS!!!! I am not out to spoil anything for anyone , so I'm not going to talk about it - yet. Let me just say that she did not disappoint - the final book was so incredible that I found myself feeling completely envious that someone out there has the - I don't even know the name for it - to write seven books that have affected not a generation, not a country, not a segment of a population, but a WORLD! A WORLD, PEOPLE!
Okay, maybe I'm a little wound up right now, but daaaammmnnnn! Unlike most people , I read the first one when it first came out and didn't read another one until this year and then I was hooked.I took a little break at Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and when I saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix at the theater, I rushed home and started back up again. I must say that I think that was the way to do it, because I didn't have to wait for the next book to come out. Now that's what I'm talkin about! So now it's over and even though it was just the most exciting thing I've ever read - sorry, Eragon - I'm feeling a little down and I don't know what I'll read next because let's face it - that is one helluva hard act to follow. I mean, what to read after that? Chick lit?
And in one of life's great little moments of poetic justice, one of the characters (I'll not say who) had a patronus that was a goat. J.K. Rowling - you're my hero.

My Life is So Cool......

I mean how many people out there are trying to make a career of reading Harry Potter, scrapbooking ,AND avoiding housework like the plague while their 4 year old is surfing down the stairs on their Reebok Step? Yeah, I'll bet the step thing puts me right up at the top of the slacker pile! All kidding aside, I'm just having a little mini vacation - this is "be good to me" weekend. And that step surfing thing? I'm joking, of course - it's not a Reebok Step.

Get Thee Behind Me Satan!

The temptations are numerous..................continuing to putz around on the comnputer, resuming my consumption of the final Harry Potter book, and scrapbooking. Alas, the fence out back calls...............the very same fence that one Vincent Van Goat a.k.a. Captain Butt Head decimated a couple of days ago and I have been unable to repair due to a cumbersome little thing known as - work. Yes, gainful employment has gotten in the way of more than one endeavor that I have sought to undertake, but I digress. It's time to bite the bullet and start digging. I've got to go out and dig a huge chunk of cement out of the ground and replace it with a wood post that he certainly cannot break, and reattach the fence.

We discovered that said fence was broken when we got home one evening only to find 5 out of 8 Van Goats cornered next to the fence by the stray dog that shows up when needed to keep the goats from running amuck. Don't ask me how this dog knows - she appears to have some kind of herding instincts and vaguely resembles some type of cattle dog - but she has appeared twice now to save our goats from the repercussions of their escapes, barking and running back and forth just like a trained cattle dog would do to keep her charges in line. We are grateful to her and told the humane society that she was ours when they came to pick up dogs running loose in the area. Allegedly, she belongs to some people down the street, but since they apparently don't care enough for her to keep her in their yard, house, or wtfe, we feed her and lie to county officials when necessary.

Back to Mr. Van Goat, below is a picture of the culprit himself, getting some love from Alex. Even though he's an ornery cuss, it's impossible not to love him because as easily as he knocks the downspout off the back of the house, he will just as easily walk over to me when I'm sitting outside, lay his head down on my leg and look up at me as if to say, " I love you - now please rub my chin, okay?" He has the sweetest face, the most soulful brown eyes - what a typical male.

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Originally uploaded by lr4rr