Well friends, life on and around the ranch is getting difficult. It seems that there are those who would have the Van Goat Ranch go away, disappear, be done away with - you get the idea. Of course, as far as I'm concerned, "those" can just suck it . The Van Goat Ranch doesn't plan on going anywhere. Things are complicated though. Ya see, the Van Goat Ranch while not being located in the city - we're in the county all right - is on a street where the houses are close enough together that some might call it a subdivision. It consists of two streets running parallel to each other and this apparently to some this amounts to the same thing as a residential area. To some of us who live here, it consists of the redneck fucking ghetto. This is the kind of place where the cops are frequently here - last week they were here 3 times - and when the cops show up in this neighborhood, they send 4 or 5 cars - not just 1 or 2. These last three times were because some , uh, gasp...........lesbians have moved into the neighborhood and they're causin a LOT of trouble. That's right folks - trouble right here in river city...and that starts with T and that rhymes with C and that stands for carpet-munchers. I'm sorry....I shouldn't have said that because I got no problems....it's just funny. These girls put down $3000.00 sod in their rental yard - which why would you do that anyway? But they did and they don't want the ghetto kids running all over it and /or perpetrating whatever crimes they've dreamt up in their $3000 yard. Now why this is so GREATLY upset to these people in the hood is absolutely beyond me. Believe me, I had my share of trouble with these fucking people when I moved in this shithole. Kids wouldn't stop riding their fucking bikes through my flower beds and it ended up in a 3 car visit from the police. SO......I have felt their pain.
Anyway, I digress...........the jackholes that live behind me are still pushing their vendetta against my goats. They're still trying to make me get rid of my babies. I got an "official " letter in the mail that could have been written by my six year old, it was so unprofessional. In fact, I fear that I have insulted my six year old and her writing skills by saying such a thing as she is way better than that. They told me that I have violated the zoning regulations by raising a goat herd. Well, I've been through all this before thanks to the pustulating sore on satan's ass that is my neighbor. They have called everyone that they can think of and so far, I have been deemed to be sitting on the right side of the law. I am not running a commercial farm. Now they are trying to say that I have too many goats for this piece of land, even though there is nothing in the zoning regulations that addresses that. Still, I am NOT breeding goats to sell. This is STILL NOT a commercial farm. And those jackholes do not get to make up the rules as they go along. They are threatening to bring this to the attention of the County Attorney. Woooooooo! I am so scared that I have been continually been leaking fecal matter since I got their letter. Well, guess what bitches! I'm going to bring it to his attention first. I do realize that no one in this neighborhood with the exception of 3 or 4 of my neighbors, no one in this county, in this city , in this state, country or internet, would be on my side. I mean, I realize that there aren't too many people in the world who have goats for back yard pets. People just don't care about goats. I didn't until I got them. (for "got" read - "inherited" them.)When properly cared for, goats don't stink. They don't make a lot of noise except at dinner time. Which isn't, let me tell ya, at two in the fucking morning, unlike what many of the damn dogs in this neighborhood seem to think. The goats don't start up their trucks, boats, campers, lawn mowers and blow out noxious fumes all over the place - unlike some inconfuckingsiderate people in this neighborhood. They don't start fires in the backyard and choke everyone within a ten mile radius. They fertilize the hell out of my lawn and make great compost, which if some of these dumb bastards realized, they would be bringing goats in by the truckloads. (Bunch of grass worshipping douchebags. ) My goats are great companions and entertainers, which again, if people knew this, they would be saving a lot of money. But hey - what the fuck do I know? I'm just a stupid redneck with nine happy goats in her backyard minding her own damn business. I hate assholes.